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The Parts Of Dying No One Talks About – Esquire Magazine Features Northview Graduate
May 17, 2015
It’s not often that a local resident is featured in major national publication. The May edition of Esquire magazine features an article about Nicole Rolin Teague, Northview High School graduate.
Nicole Rolin, a native of Poarch, was a member of Northview’s first graduating class in 1996. She went on to marry Matthew Teague, and they resided in Fairhope. At the young age of 34, as the mother of two beautiful children, she received the devastating news that she she cancer. Not just cancer. But cancer everywhere in her abdomen. Everywhere.
Hundreds, thousands of us followed her battle in person, through friends, or through the internet. There were the moments of improvement, those glimmers of hope, that we saw. But in between those moments of perceived improvement and her death at age 36, were the parts where the cancer reared its ugly head, the parts of dying that no one talks about.
Matthew penned a lengthy essay for Esquire magazine about what watching his loved one dying was really like. It was not “she slipped away peacefully in her sleep”. It was not “she felt no pain”. It was not pretty.
“We don’t tell each other the truth about dying, as a people. Not real dying. Real dying, regular and mundane dying, is so hard and so ugly that it becomes the worst thing of all: It’s grotesque. It’s undignified. No one ever told me the truth about it, not once,” Matthew wrote in Esquire.
We preface the link to the Esquire article by saying this…
The article is long. You’ll want to allow time to sit, read and digest. You’ll want a fresh box of Kleenex. It will be nauseatingly painful to read; it will tear at the core of your being.
If you knew Nicole, you may not want to read it. If you didn’t know Nicole, you still may not want to read it. It is, as Matthew wrote, “the parts of dying that no one talks about”.
It is painful, it is vile, it is brutal, it is raw, it is without dignity, it is offensive, it is unbearable. It will alter your very soul.
You have been warned. Cancer sucks.
Matthew Teague’s article in the May 2015 Esquire magazine about the life stolen from his wife, 1995 Northview High graduate Nicole Rolin Teague: How My Friend Saved Me When Death Took the Mother of My Children.
Comments
17 Responses to “The Parts Of Dying No One Talks About – Esquire Magazine Features Northview Graduate”
I’m just speechless. Knowing Dane the best, I could see him doing everything he did. He is one of the most selfless people I know. What happened was truly surreal. Words aren’t enough. Nicole was a kind soul and her beauty and kindness was obvious. God bless Nicole and your family. And thank God for friends like Dane.
Matt, I don’t know if you will remember me, us, but I still have the picture of Molly and Rayna from when they were friends and we got to know you (Nicole more, as you were traveling a lot), because of their friendship. I kept up with Nicole’s fb page for awhile of last year; we had so much going on; have moved back to the US since then, bought a house a few months ago and have just been trying to get back to being back to reality and lost track of everything. I guess a couple of months ago, I tried to open up her page and there was nothing and I got a gut feeling then, but I think I didn’t want to know. Anyway, I contacted Angelica and asked her to give me an update, and to my shock got the news. I know that we left Fairhope 6 years now, I guess. But, I’ve never forgotten about Nicole and you and the girls. Molly was Rayna’s 1st real friend. And, I remember that lil Eve, she was such a cherub. I remember you as such a calm, loving husband and likeable person, and Nicole was a beautiful special woman, one that you just don’t forget and it saddens me to the core that she left this world in such a way! too young, and Undeserving and astonishing. I just want to send me condolence’s and tell you that your article is a tremendous testament to your love for her and your family. But, anyone that knew you 2 together knew that. I ache for those girls, Nicole gave everything to them. But I know that your faith in Christ will help them in their heartbreak and healing, as well as yours. I just want to say that one of Michaels best friends wife from his high school has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, she is in her early 40’s. They thought she was in remission I pray that she doesn’t have to experience the same pain and for him, the exhaustion that you experienced. If there are any words for him…what would you say to him? Maybe I can pass it on. I hope for a speedy recovery for your heart, and the girls. She will never be replaced, but I hope that there will be much sunshine in all your lives again…soon. Vicky
Matt,
I do not know you but I am a nurse. I admire really holding to your wedding vows. You did what any people could or would not, most would put their family in a nursing home. Like I said I’ve see the horrors of death first hand and I so admire you! You and your children have love and prayers! Wish there were more like you, the world would be a beautiful place!
Death is always with us, a given in life as sure as the sunrise.
We can only love and care for those in our life, and be there for them in time of illness and health.
God has a plan for all souls, and we seek the gift of forgiveness and eternal life through his son Jesus Christ.
Friendship. Thank you Matthew for sharing and what a friend you have in Dane.
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
Henri Nouwen
The article written by Matthew leaves most of us speechless. For those of us who walked along side Nicole in middle school and high school, we have a connection with her through her smile and laugh. We are better people for having known her and being able to sit in the room with her and laugh with her. Her smile forever resonates in our minds. She was a beautiful person inside and out. May her memory live on in the lives of those in which she came in contact. Her life story will be a source of encouragement for many years to come. She was found faithful and now walks hand-in-hand with our Jesus and watches over us from Heaven.
I have watched family die over the past few years and there is nothing uplifting about it. Yes there pain ends but it is a horrible thing to watch. Thank you Matthew for being strong enough to pen the article so others may have a better understanding of the truth.
I found this very touching. In the last year I’ve had two friends die from pancreatic cancer and a friend who is in last stages of lung cancer in both lungs. All three have said the same thing about people calling or coming by— why don’t they call or come by? The simple act of common friendship is so important to them at a time like this. It’s sad that people show up for the funeral, but never visit or call.
I’m wondering if the not feeling anything or not being sad about our loved ones death isn’t because we are bad people but perhaps because we know that they are in a better place and they don’t hurt anymore. It isn’t that we don’t love them. We are simply content knowing that they are no longer suffering.
My father died in 2010 and although I miss him dearly each and every day I am content with the fact that he isn’t hurting anymore and that someday I will see him again. Why would we be sad in those circumstances?
I knew Nicole as many in the community did, and it was heart-wrenching to read of her suffering and her family’s suffering in her final days. May she rest in peace.
Any time I see Belle from Beauty and the Beast I think of Nicole and her HS performance as Belle. Her performance as Belle embodied Nicole’s spirit, beautiful from the inside out. I will always remember her that way (and considering my family holds season Disney passes, I am reminded of her often).
I know and understand what he went through i dont even have to read the article but i just might. My dad died of bone cancer and was given 6 months to live well he only live 3 more months and passed away on December 23,1995, i was holding his hand when he took his last breath,its very hard watching someone everyday in pain and especially dying from the hateful disease of cancer…i wish they would find a cure its sad but not a day goes by i dont think of my dad….miss him and know one day i will see him again….
I could relate to this story. I had a great job in Las Vegas, Na, working for a veterinary clinic, when I got the horrible news my older sister had cancer and wasn’t expected to live. I quit my job, packed up my truck and headed home. I moved in with her and took care of her 24/7 for over a year. This story brought back many memories, and like him, when she finally passed away, I had so many emotions inside of me. I felt guilty for feeling relief, not only for me, but for her as well. It took me five years to get over her death, remembering the good times and the hard times. He is a remarkable man, and so was his friend Dane. God will bless both of them for being the kind of person they both are.
Both my parents died of cancer 5 yrs apart and I myself am in remission going on 5 yrs. I can tell you from personal experience that cancer indeed sucks. It sucks big time. I’ve often said that as awful as treatment is,it is worse for the caregiver and loved ones that are left behind. The ones that are left behind to remember our loved ones the way they were during treatment…the skeletons of what remains of our loved ones anyway. The only thing that resembled my father at the end of his fight were his hands. Everything else had turned into,including his personality and strength, someone I no longer recognized. There is indeed no dignity in this disease. It doesn’t care who you are. How old you are or how young you are. It destroys everything you’ve ever know as normal and replaces it with the things nightmares are made of.
What a great article and my heart goes out to all those involved. My prayers go out to those who witness the awful devastation left behind by this malignant monster.
Thank you William. Your description towards the end are the words I have searched for to describe this article. It is such a hard read, yet it is so beautifully written and honest.
God bless your precious
Family.Your story really touched
My heart beyond words
Thank you
Such a tragic, yet beautiful story of love and friendship. Courage and love most times cannot be expressed in words, but Matt did. God bless all of you.