Blog: Merry Christmas Shopping List For Local Officials

November 21, 2008

The Pensacola Independent News published a list this week of holiday gift ideas for local public officials and community leaders, and we thought it was worth sharing.

Here’s a little sample of their gift list:

David Morgan, Escambia County Sheriff-elect
Batman Utility Belt: From your predecessor, you will inherit a mobile command unit, two helicopters, a marine patrol boat and a half dozen really cool Segways. What’s missing is an even cooler utility belt filled with gadgets. We don’t think Ron McNesby will give you his.

Mike Whitehead, former Escambia County Commissioner
Wisconsin hunting license: We encourage you to bring along your buddies, George and Ronnie. They have extra time on their hands, too.

Jim Paul, former Escambia Superintendent of Schools
Winnebago: It’s time to hit road and enjoy life. Write often.

I think you get the idea. We thought we’d add our own for a few North Escambia folks that did not rank the Independent News Christmas list:

Kevin White
A truckload of hot asphalt. Paving dirt roads in North Escambia equal votes. It’s simple math. In the words of former District 5 Commissioner Wilson Robertson: “You have to go out for four years so they can forget some things, then come back and get re-elected,” Robertson joked, “cause you can’t pave every dirt road.”

Larry Walker
A really big tow truck. Allied Waste never could get a trash truck down some of North Escambia’s dirt roads. When ECUA takes over our trash service in January, Larry’s going to need AAA. Unless, of course, Santa is good to Kevin White with those truckloads of hot asphalt.

Bill Slayton
There are a couple of stadiums around here without names. Tate has already named their stadium after former school board member Pete Gindl. We doubt Santa’s going to bring the stadium this year, but we put it on the list anyway. Do a good job, and Northview’s stadium might just have your name on it one day. Mess up, and, well, the Chiefs do have a habit of scalping people.

Freddie McCall
A jumbo, Sam’s Club size bottle of Tylenol, a copy of Bing Crosby’s “Peace On Earth”. Why not? We’ll even recommend that you spring for the Bing Crosby duet of the song with David Bowie. There’s a good video of it (click here) on YouTube. Sometimes he needs the Tylenol, and a little “Peace On Earth” would make a good theme for town council meetings. Oh, let’s not forget five crisp new copies of Robert’s Rules Of Order for his friends.

Click here to read the  complete “Naughty or Nice?” Christmas list from our friends at the Pensacola Independent News.

Comments

3 Responses to “Blog: Merry Christmas Shopping List For Local Officials”

  1. Larry Walker on December 3rd, 2008 1:03 pm

    Bring on that asphalt!

  2. Elizabeth on November 22nd, 2008 7:59 am

    This is really a funny article. I’m a fan of IN, personally. It’s just the satire that I like. And anything is better than the PNJ.

    *hopes to accidentally receive one of those Segways bequeathed to the sheriff-elect*

    For Larry Walker, the tow truck may not be necessary. It takes half a day for anything to come from Pensacola anyway. By time the tow truck got lost a few times, it would be sunset. Those tow trucks don’t have anything on a few rednecks with a Wench. :-)

  3. Chuck on November 21st, 2008 6:55 am

    For Jim Paul did you mean to say ” a wine-ebago”? You left something off the list for mr. Whitehead also, why not add a personality.

Written by William Reynolds · Filed Under Blog, News